I woke up that morning saddened and angry that the creator of the songs I loved had killed himself, but I realized that I was glad that my sister had answered in the way she had. But by the next morning, I had changed my mind. Perhaps even if she just pretended to care, I could feel that someone I knew understood my feelings and loss. On Tuesday night, I held some kind of twisted hope that my sister might fit into this category, after her dabbling in the now-popular emo/indie explosion. There are too many indie rock dilettantes (and even veterans) who feign a mourning of Elliott Smith's death like the loss of a close friend, when while he was alive, his albums gathered dust in the 'background music' piles and mp3s of 'Miss Misery' were hidden away on hard drives full of rarely-touched songs. However, I am also disillusioned with the reactions to his death. In this tragic, yet selfish act, more people will have the opportunity of experiencing Smith's music and for that I can't complain.

With his name on a list with Nick Drake and Ian Curtis, Elliott Smith will now change from an underground favorite into a post-mortem celebrity.

I have grown to love listening to 'Say Yes', 'Alameda' and 'Pictures of Me' for more than their lyrics, but rather, for memory of their formative impact on me, musically, creatively and personally.

One of these CDs was a discovery in the used-bin at the record store, with a name I had become familiar with on the Internet. The only thing I can say about my experience with Elliott Smith's music is thirty or so bus rides in eighth grade with a handful of CDs I did not quite understand, but grew to love on these early-morning treks across the South Bay. Well, I can't sit here and write about how much I identified with Elliott Smith's songs or how amazing he was at the live show I never went to, because I know there's plenty of people who have, and could write an excellent memorial. I couldn't say I was surprised when she responded with a 'Who's that?' Yet, I had a gleam of hope that in some way, she would understand what had happened, that she would be as shocked as I had when I heard the news. I told my little sister that Tuesday night that Elliot Smith had killed himself.

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